A Cry In The Dark

                     It is 1:20AM and I am unable to sleep. I tried writing for The Other Shoe, but only darkness and depression came out. There is eight days left for me to raise enough money to; hire people to help me move, rent a moving truck (without car insurance as I do not own a car), and pay for rent & deposit on a new place.

I am looking on; For Rent, Criag’s List, and bulletin boards in churches and laundry rooms for a place I can afford. I work every moment my pain allows me to think and move. I still need to find boxes, too. I have written and posted an apology from the heart to everyone in Texas I have offended. That goes for everyone in every state that I may have offended, too. I simply cannot rest, even when I try to sleep.

I have talked about my condition. I have posted the most recent MRI images of the damaged area of my spine. I have made, short, phone calls to Housing and a couple of places that help people with spinal cord injuries. I am desperate to make some progress, yet it is like I am spinning my tires in mud. My heart is broken, my body too. I have never been so depressed. Yet I am trying hard to not let it show. Nothing feels right. Nothing makes me smile or happy. I am not angry, just terribly anxious and even afraid.

I cannot focus enough to read for enjoyment. I have no idea where to turn. I keep looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see none. Tomorrow is another day, and that just means one less to garner support and one more closer to being without a home.

If there is anything I can do or say that will convince you my need is genuine, my disability severe. Would you tell me? I feel myself falling. Yet I do not know if I will land. If there is anything I could ask for. It is the kindness of others, the support of those I have called friends.

I have never meant to hurt or offend anyone. Yet, it seems I am paying the price for doing just that very thing. I am afraid of falling (not of the heights). I know not where to turn. I pray for sleep. Yet hesitate because of the nightmares that inevitably come. My stress and fears follow me, even in sleep.

I would not wish this on anyone. Not even the worst of enemies (of which I do not think I have ever… had). If you are reading this, and sleep alludes you, too. Please take a moment and follow this link. Look, read… forgive… then give?

From the very bottom of my heart the very depths of my soul I beseech you.

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Previously posted @ The Other Shoe at Blog.com www.theothershoe.blog.com]