In 1860 there were, roughly, thirty-one million Americans in our great nation. Twenty-two million of them lived in the ‘Northern states’ and nine million lived in the ‘Southern-Confederate’ states. When the fighting finally ended in the far west and Texas, it took some time for the word to reach these places that the war was over. Over SIX HUNDRED TWENTY THOUSAND Americans had given their lives… for a LIE.
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What was the lie? That freedom belonged to only some Americans. The lie was that the people of the North were any different from the Americans in the South. That African Americans deserved to be enslaved. The lie was the same as it is today.
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"It's divided our country in a way that we haven't been divided probably since the Civil War…” Robert Kennedy Jr. [1]
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Thirty-One million Americans reduced to thirty point four. There are now well over One Hundred times as many Americans today as there were in 1860. Therefore, and equivalent ‘War Between The States’ in the twenty-first century would more than decimate (to reduce by 1/10) our population. SIX MILLION AMERICANS! One in every fifty Americans would die.
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In the late hours of my campaign I was told that I could raise more money... if I "apologized to Texans..." for "throwing bombs... at Republicans..." I was offered the opportunity to garner assistance from well healed Texans if I apologized for throwing bombs and "offer and olive branch..."
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An olive branch. Like?
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“Please I AM SORRY IF I HAVE OFFENDED ANY TEXANS! I LOVE YOU GUYS! . I am beside myself in grief… I cannot write anymore… Please accept my apology. PLEASE?” (from ‘Dear Texans’)[2]
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I tore myself up, inside. I exposed myself and pleaded for forgiveness. Irony? The irony was that after that article? My biggest donations came not from Texas, but from ENGLAND. I did my penance (voluntary self-punishment inflicted as an outward expression of repentance for having done wrong)[3]
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I was not forgiven. The sixth Christian Tenet is:
“And we solemnly promise to watch, and pray for that Mind to be in us which was also in Christ Jesus; to do unto others as we would have them do unto us; and to be merciful, just, and pure.”[4]
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Yet, I was not offered forgiveness. Why? I publically flayed myself. Took responsibility for actions I was told I had engaged in and begged for forgiveness. It was not forthcoming… Why?
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We live in a nation divided. Not by me. I have been told “you throw bombs…” Yet, when asked to show me the bombs I have thrown… the wrongs I have committed? (Everything I have EVER written is right here at The Other Shoe) DEAFENING SILENCE. Nobody can point to any single article… any passage of any article I have ever written where I have “thrown bombs” at Republicans or Conservatives. “Why?” You may well ask. Because it never happened. Want the truth? The truth is that I did write this:
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“Texas is experiencing a hat-trick of changes. These three factors will not only impact Texas politics, from the Governorship to the State House, they will shift Texas from the deeply Conservative ‘Red’ of today. To a deeply purple, then ‘Blue’ like it was in my youth.”[5] (From my article ‘Texas is Turning Purple. Are you seeing this?’)
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The entire article was based on United States census data from 2010 and 2012. It was based in FACT. That article was the closest I have ever come to “throwing bombs…” at Texas or Texans… and I NEVER ONCE said anything ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ and every single fact was documented and referenced. For that I am shunned. For that I am allowed to fall… to become homeless by people with more money than they could spend in three lifetimes.
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“"It's divided our country in a way that we haven't been divided probably since the Civil War…”
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SIX HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DEAD AMERICANS.
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“It got so bad… they stopped burying the dead and they piled up in the streets. Bloated bodies… picked over by carrion birds…”[6]
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Yet, some Americans really want to repeat that sick national tragedy? If the Civil War were to happen today Six Million Americans would die. One in every fifty Americans would loose their life. All over one Presidency?
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When do we begin to count the dead? If there is another ‘War Between the States’. When will historians begin the counting? Yesterday?Today? Tomorrow? Will me ending up homeless and dead, be counted?
See, I am free. I know that my condition will take my life. I had a neurosurgeon show the courage to tell me the truth about my spinal disease. One day… my spinal cord will be crushed by either a bone fragment or a errant disc propelled by gravity during a fall. This will result in me loosing the ability to breath. I will loose conscious, and die. I know how I will die…. Do you?
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Tuesday. Next Tuesday I will know if my caregiver and best friend of twenty-five years will be released in time to help me move. See, because if he is not released…. Because I was never forgiven? I will end up homeless and I will die on the streets of Orange County California. I know this. And I am at peace.
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Will America continue to pull at the very stitches that were sewn in 1863 till they spill our national guts out for the entire world to witness? I do not know. I fear the worse for the nation I honor and love. I am not a ‘Southerner’. I AM an American! I happen to be born in the ‘South’. However, I never let that factor define WHO I am. I am at peace.
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If the worst happens… if Allen is not released on this coming Tuesday. I have little left. I will post two more articles. They are already written. These articles outline the years of abuse I have endured. These articles name the people who have abused and misused me. Nothing is left out. Nobody that has caused me harm is left out. All is told. Because? What will I have to loose? I am at peace.
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I pray for you all. I pray that you find peace. I pray that our country puts aside all this anger and hatred. However, if history is to be our guide to the future? Our great nation will, once again, work to tear itself apart. While the world watches in horror.
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Imagine the ‘Civil War’ with… Tanks… Jet Aircraft… Helicopter gunships… Automatic weapons… NUKES. As the world watches in horror. And, I am at peace.
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“A House divided against itself… Cannot stand.” Abraham Lincoln June 16th 1858[7]
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I could have been spared… Likely by someone that I played with as a child. Someone that watched me on stage at PHS. I could have been saved a humiliating death homeless on the streets of Orange County, California. If only I had asked for forgiveness? Right?
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I did. And I am at peace.
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May God have mercy on US all.
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