I Am SO Scared!!!

                Welcome back, My Dear Readers, to The Other Shoe. First, I have been away for the past week or so. I spend most of my time looking at Craigslist, looking at newspapers, making phone calls, and nursing some severe pain. As well, I have been hiding something from all of you, My Dear Readers. I want to apologize. My pain is terrible and my use of my left hand… and even my right now, diminishes each and every day. I really want to write. To communicate. My disability outweighs my desire. That is why I apologize. However, there has been something else that has dominated my time, and vexed me.

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Glen Allen Gay is my caregiver and companion of twenty-five years. He has only had to care for me these last ten years. Before that? I was the major bread winner and I loved showering Allen with all the things he wanted and liked. We had good times and bad. Lately more bad than good… and I am ashamed for that… I want to do more for him. The past two weeks… Allen has been drinking. I have tried to be supportive. I have tried to ignore the problem. I apologize… but when Allen drinks… he (and I know he doesn’t mean it)… Allen can be mean.

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Today was Allen’s payday. I begged him not to drink. Since last night I have begged him not to drink. He did not listen. I saw him only shortly today, in the morning… before he left to run his errands.

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It is now 7PM. At 6PM I received a phone call from a ‘Restricted’ number. I had not heard from Allen since 3PM today. My Dear Readers, I apologize for having to write this… I never thought I would have to write about something like this… Allen and I have had a mostly quiet life for twenty-five years. I can hardly walk… I am so sorry.

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Allen called me from jail! (I am so embarrassed... . scared and confused)… Allen got drunk today… and he told me on the phone that he is in jail for Grand Theft Auto. (I am crying as I write this….  This is so not me…. ) Allen is in jail for stealing a truck… I freaked when he called. We are just TWO WEEKS from having to move! At 47 years old Allen got drunk and stole a truck from a highway construction site! I am still in deep shock!

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I am ashamed at the fact that when he told me I immediately freaked out and started asking

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“Allen, what am I going to do? I am going to end up homeless because I cannot move without you!”

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I am ashamed that I only thought of myself. He hung up on me. I do not know if I will hear from him again. I am so totally lost. I cannot even walk to the store for food or to the drug store for my medications on Tuesday. There, I am doing it again. I am sorry. Allen is in jail and all I can think about is me! I feel so terrible. My Dear Readers, I am not a bad person! I haven’t broke a law in my life. Not even a speeding ticket in forty years of driving.

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I am ashamed that I am having to write this and terribly afraid of what people will think. I care deeply for Allen… but when he drinks, he is very different person. I begged him not to drink, today. I do not think he was kidding for lying to mess with me. This is no joke. Please, My Dear Readers, understand this is totally foreign to me. I am scared to death that I am now going to end up homerless and loosing everything I own because of Allen’s… drunken acts.

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I know this moving has been hard on Allen. It has been hard on me! I spent Six Weeks writing every day to raise money so that I could move us…. Then he pulls THIS! I am so totally scared. I know that I will not sleep, tonight. I may never see Allen again. Then I selfishly think; what will happen to me? What will happen to Alexander and myself??? I have a home with a bed… computers and a TV… Now I cannot move… I am unable to get out and find a place…. Why did he have to pull this stuff fright now?

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My Dear Readers, I do not know if I will be able to write. I will do my best to keep everyone updated on what happens to Daniel. I just wanted to write what has happened before the whole world spins out of control. If you know me in real life. Please? Reach out and call? I am so scared. Allen did everything for me… and now he is gone and I do not know what to do… where to turn. How could my little Allen steal a truck!?!?!?

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This is like my own personal ‘Twilight Zone’! Allen has never broken the law… a Driving While Drunk when he was young. My little Allen stole a truck!??!? And now I will end up loosing everything I own and homeless because of his drunken indiscretion?

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Well, it is an honor to have you come and read here @ The Other Shoe. I never thought I would be writing THIS! Please, hear me as honest and truthful when I tell you this has me spinning… scared… terrified… I do not know what I am going to do… where I am going to turn. I will try to post soon.

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Thank you.