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My time is not wasted for I am busy creating my world, the world of 'The Adventures of Princess Nadia'. With every passing day, the world comes more into focus, the characters fill out in my mind. My only fear? That someone… perhaps even someone I know takes my idea. I think that is a common fear among struggling artists of all disciplines. For me, they are not just characters in a book, they live in my heart, mind and soul. They tell me their secrets, they share with me their fears.
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For me, they are quite real. Their namesakes I have raised, loved and lost. Though it is not apparent. You do not see it or hear my words, each and every day I write. Writing in life, there is no life without my words. When I am absent, I am in pain. Yes, physically I am in pain each and every day. So much worse, of late. Yet, I speak of another pain. A pain spawn of longing, desire. My Dear Readers, you know it not, but you give purpose to my life.
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I struggle with darkness. I live in poverty, but I struggle with a growing darkness. I must thank two of you, My Dear Readers, two of you that have reached out from your world and into mine and shared. Shared of themselves so that I might have some short respite from my fiduciary woes. Because of their kindness, I will have a turkey this Christmas Day. From the very depths of my heart and soul I say “Thank you!” … You know who you are.
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I am not much for begging. Not much for asking for help. Each time I have sought to raise money, I have worked ever so hard. Hard to write, to entertain, and to repay. Repay the kindness that has come my way. My works… my articles, and yes even 'The Adventures of Princess Nadia' I write out of love... but I also write, to repay. For the debts that I owe, they are debts I fear I may never be able to repay. Repay the kindness that has come my way. When I am absent… this is what darkens my mind, most. That I am failing to repay, your kindness most dear.
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I write, today, because I do so deeply care. One blog, only, on which this will appear…. I fear. Better one blog… one article… One “Thank you!” Tis better than none.
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I fight with the darkness, the darkness that seeks to surround. In each and every day, I fight with every fiber of my being, I fight the growing darkness. For those that have never known… poverty… being without. This is a darkness I hope that you never know. It is a darkness that comes from without, yet it grows within. It weakens the ground beneath your very feet. It attacks your sense of self & selfworth, and works behind your back to darken your tomorrows. I am far from alone. I know this to be true. This darkness I share with millions, unknown.
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We suffer in darkness, we suffer in silence. For (some bloody reason) it is taboo to speak of what one is without, but not taboo to boast of what one does have. A world, upside down, it would appear. A world of grim darkness, for some so dear.
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I cherish my time in the light of other’s kindness and support. I write in hopes that one day… this darkness I will banish from my life, for all time. With each and every work that I write, I take a step out of darkness and into the light. The light of your kindness. The light of your ‘Like’(s). The light that I feel when, your smile, I make bright. Since childhood I have bathed in this light. At first while singing in choir, at my school. Actually, I sang in choirs in each and every school I attended, since Mading Elementary in Houston in grade three.
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From grade third until I graduated at Pearland High School, I sang and I sang and I cherished those smiles… the longest of all. Once I moved, and was in Middle School I stepped out from the crowd of my choral group. I stood out in front, and sang… all alone. That was the beginning, ‘Fiddler on the Roof’. I sang all alone, in front of so many… and I made them laugh… and I made them smile.
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From that point, all the way through college, I stood (without singing) in front of large crowds… and with the words of other men (or women) I made them smile! For the next nine years I stood before crowds. Small crowds, and large.. sometimes as many as twelve hundred… and I made them smile. I breathed life into the words of another, and I did it quite well. Looking back… on that decade… I was happiest, up on that stage. I won awards, and accolades. But, most of all… I made them smile.
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Know only to a handful of friends, all the time I was singing… all the time I was on those stages… I was doing this. Behind the curtains… when not on a stage… I was writing. Back then, hardly anyone had read my works. I understand, my long curly locks, my presence on stage… and my voice. They all worked to upstage what I was doing (myself) with words. I put them on paper, and most of the time that is where they hid. I doubt, that if you knew me at all, back then,… and are reading these words, you can (for the life of you) remember one thing I wrote.
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I am not hurt by that reality. Nope, not one bit. During most of that time I was bathing, regularly, in applause. I wrote, for myself. I wrote, because I love words. On more than one occasion, I have been told, that those words… they do love me back.
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Finally, again I do apologize for the absence this past week. I do despise writing for just one blog. I (honestly) feel, when I publish to just one blog, that I am having an affair. An affair behind the backs of My Dear Readers of the other blog of mine. I am hoping and praying that soon they will fix, the problems that are hampering The Other Shoe at blog.com. I do sincerely promise, that as soon as it is fixed? I will write everyday that my health possibly allows. I still have plans of making a video. A video present of ‘The Night Before Christmas’ performed by me!
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At the company Christmas Party of Domino Realty in 2002, I did perform that very poem in front of a crowd. It was the very first time I had been on a stage, in decades and decades. God how I loved those moments, and the smiles! The owner of Domino Realty called me, the next day. Stephen Gordon told me that I was “the best act, last night…”. This is a man worth millions, and a man whom I had a deep respect and adoration. Stephen was the man that imported Jordache Jeans, all those years ago. That put Brooke Shields in that commercial, in jeans he imported from France. He took the millions he made, from that venture, and put it into real estate in Southern California.
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For many years, I honestly thought my time with words, had passed. Replaced with an ability to lease properties… like few men he had seen. I was being groomed for an executive position, for Domino Realty, when my spine started attacking me… causing me growing pain. Earlier this week, I published copies of old newsletters that I wrote, edited and published for another landowner. For several years, I had a captive audience, the residents of Plaza Woods Apartments. If you haven’t checked them out, I think that you should. A long way I have come, since writing those newsletters. However, it gives you a chance to see just how far I have come.
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“I cherish my time in the light of other’s gains. I write in hopes that one day… this darkness I will banish, for all time. With each and every work that I write, I take a step out of darkness and into the light. The light of your kindness. The light of your ‘Like’(s). The light that I feel when, your smile, I make bright.”
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As always I am deeply honored that you come here and read my work.
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Thank you!
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P.S. Look for pictures, after Christmas, of the feast I will soon make… thanks to the kindness of two of My Dear Readers. Thank you!
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[caption id="attachment_1812" align="aligncenter" width="630"]
Just a shot of a VERY thankful Danny in His Power Chair[/caption]
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